The Book of Turtle

Entry Number: 00002
Pungenday, the 65th of Discord 3186 YOLD


Chapter 1

1. The great prophet Turtle was born in the land of mud. Great were the afflictions upon the land of mud, because of the wickedness of its inhabitants.

2. And it came to pass the the great prophet Turtle did look upon the land of his birth and did weep, the the sorrow in his heart was great for the iniquities of the inhabitants thereof.

3. For the people did seek to create perfect order in all the ways and dealings of their lives, and did create great bureaucracies to manage the minutae.

4. And so it was, that the inhabitants of the land were unable to perform simple tasks such as eating, sleeping, or fornicating, without first completing the specific form and schedule in quadruplicate and filing said forms and schedules with the proper bureucratic authorities.

5. And there were many governmental departments organized to oversee the proper completion of paperwork and executions of regular, so-called, random inspections to ensure compliance of all rules and regulations such as the Department of Defecation or the Ministry of Proper Picture Frame alignment.

6. And the people did slowly drown in the mire of bureaucratic processes they placed upon themselves and there was much stifling of creativities and meriments and all things joyous unto Eris.

Chapter 2

1. And it came to pass, that the great prophet Turtle did seek to free the people of the land of mud.

2. And in the three thousand one hundred and eighty sixth Year of our Lady Discord, the great prophet Turtle did go among the people of the land of mud.

3. And he did remove the garments from his body, without first filing a form CLH-8229.689 Schedule 7B.

4. And the people did marvel in wonderment at this prophet, for they did not know such a feat was possible.

5. So confused and amazed were the people of the land of mud that they began to shake and fall to earth in great numbers without completing the proper forms first.

6. Thus it was, that the spirit of chaos was upon their hearts and they weeped great tears of joy and freedom, praising the the chaos that had opened their eyes and minds to the truth.

7. And it came to pass, that when the great prophet Turtle did see the fruits of his labor and did note that they were good, he did set upon his head a sheaf of discarded bureaucratic forms and declared himself king of the napkins.

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Saint Tiwesdaeg Twohands
Grand Librarian of the Bureaucratic Order of Obtuse Kodexes